sarah beth has slept quite a bit today - not much
awake time. we did see her eyes a little bit,
which was a blessing. her whispers are becoming
softer, and sometimes it is impossible to know
what she is saying. she looked more pale today,
the dark circles under her eyes a little more
pronounced. her pain medicine dosage was being
increased again. being moved during her bath
bothered her still, but she seemed peaceful when
we were there. kathleen told me this evening that
julia had been reading more of your emails to
sarah, and although her eyes were closed they were
sure she was listening. thank you again for
sharing your hearts with sarah beth and with our
family.

please keep praying for sarah beth - for her pain
to be under control, and for the Lord to keep any
moments of anxiety and fear under His control as
well. it is precious to be having these moments
and days with her. we all know that they are
gifts. but i think the reality of the circumstance
does sink in more each day. i don't mean to sound
as though i don't believe God could heal her
physically at this point- there is no doubt that
He can. but it doesn't look as though that is what
He intends. the blessing of still having sarah
with us is mixed with the grief of watching her
endure any degree of suffering and of knowing what
is coming, seemingly soon. it hurts to be losing
her - we are human, we love her like crazy and
don't want to be without her. but at the same
time, we do not want her to linger in suffering.
God's timing is perfect - not always understood,
but perfect nonetheless. when it is time, He will
say so. we need to pray for the grace to endure
it. to hold to the faith in God that we've clung
to to this point. we aren't without hope. because
of Jesus we will be with sarah beth again.

I Thessalonians 4:13-14 (The Message)"And
regarding the question, friends, that has come up
about what happens to those already dead and
buried, we don't want you in the dark any longer.
First off, you must not carry on over them like
people who have nothing to look forward to, as if
the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and
broke loose from the grave, God will most
certainly bring back to life those who died in
Jesus."

our friend leeann reminded us of a blog entry
sarah made after our sweet erin adkins wilson went
to be with Jesus:
"My heart is heavy, but at the same time comforted
knowing where she is. I asked someone the other
day why we had prayed so much for her and it kept
getting worse. Then I was asked a question....what
is God's definition of healing? Is it healing in
"our" terms (restored back to a normal healthy
life) or healing in God's terms (maybe His choice
of healing her is to have her come home)."

maybe you're asking the same questions. maybe this
will help answer them.

none of us are perfect. none of us are immune to
grief. this family is just choosing to trust God
and walk through the grief with Him. He won't
leave us to do it alone.

with our love,
leigh ann

today for sarah beth was, again, much like
yesterday. lots of sleeping, some anxious tears,
some whispers to family and friends nearby. julie
and hutch brought their babies in to see her for
just a few minutes and she was able to see their
smiles, hear their laughter and watch the twins'
new crawling skills. we knew that this had to be
giving her so much joy, even though her facial
expressions aren't really able to show that now.
she also loves being able to have her little dog,
ella, with her. (and ella loves having her choice
of people to play with.)

we have received many responses to our request to
hear from you about how sarah and her journey have
impacted your lives. mark and kathleen read
several of the emails to her today - it means so
much to them and to sarah. kathleen said she knew
sarah was following along listening as she read to
her because kathleen came upon "btw" and said she
didn't know what that meant. sarah whispered, "by
the way.." thank you to those who have brought
comfort and encouragement through your emails
today. in april 2007, sarah beth posted this:
========================
"Have you ever felt like you were walking into the
next phase of your life blindfolded, not knowing
what lies ahead, but knowing that God has a plan?
"Faith" is one of those words that is heard and
spoken about quite frequently in Christianity.
What is faith? Before I attempt to answer that
question, I must admit that I have hesitated to
write on here because I see that there are a
number of people who read my entries. I am
thankful that I have this platform to share my
story with others out there, but very aware that
it is only because of God that this website
exists. Therefore, I have been convicted to use
this website to not only share my story, but to
use this as a tool to minister to anyone out there
who feels "empty" or "lost"."
============================

she's done what she knew she was supposed to with
this website. and she's demonstrated great faith.
continues, even today, doing so.

mark and kathleen want to continue to thank you
for praying. it really is comforting and strength-
giving to know that all day, every day, someone
somewhere is praying. and we have no doubt that
that is what's happening.

thank you from all of us,
leigh ann

sarah beth's today was much like yesterday.
sleeping a lot of the time, but occasionally
opening her eyes and communicating a little. her
whispers were quieter today, but she still seems
to be able to get her point across. "i love you,
too" is an easy lip-read. as far as i know, the
only time she was agitated was when she had her
bath. it hurts her to be moved. her face was more
pale today and she had dark circles under her
eyes. but she is still one of the most beautiful
sights we've ever seen.

our family has a favor to ask of you who are
reading this, and who have been reading sarah
beth's words for some time now. we would love to
know how sarah has touched your life - the impact
her cancer journey and walk with Christ has had on
you personally. not to bring glory to sarah beth -
that is not our desire - because without question,
all glory belongs to the Lord. but in knowing some
of what God has been able to accomplish through
sarah's suffering, there would be joy. for her,
while she is still with us to hear what you
relate, and for our family in the times to come.
especially for mark, kathleen, jeremy and jason.
we know that there are countless people who have
followed her blog since her diagnosis in 2005. it
would be so precious to have a glimpse of the work
God has been doing in you through her as she has
served him with all she has.

if you would like to share with us, please send
your message in an email to
sbnloveyourguts@gmail.com ...if you wish for what
you say to be held in confidence among our family
only, please let me know. thank you for
considering doing this for us.

please continue praying. and if you're at a loss
for words when you are praying, don't worry about
that. the Lord knows our hearts and yours. He is
so fully aware of what is best for sarah beth. and
He will do that.

with our love and gratitude,
leigh ann

sunday was not entirely different from saturday.
sarah beth slept much of the day. there were some
times when she opened up those eyes and we could
talk to her a little. she talks to us, in such
soft whispers much of the time. it isn't always
easy to understand what she is saying but we hang
on every word. she had a few periods of agitation
- emotional at times, with tears. and not wanting
to be moved because it causes her pain. her pain
meds were increased again. she spent the day
surrounded (quietly) by family, as it has been.
toward day's end we gathered around her bed to be
close to her, and used that time to speak comfort
to her, to sing, to pray, and to read to her from
the Bible - some of her most loved passages and
some of ours as they came to mind. as usual, with
this family, we had tears and we had laughter. all
of these things combine to comfort sarah beth. and
the rest of us.

i asked mark and kate if there was anything in
particular they wanted for me to relay to you who
keep up with sarah beth's journey and have been
praying. they want to thank you for your prayers,
and ask that you would please continue.

there is amazing power in prayer - prayer is not
just words that disappear into the air as soon as
they're spoken. God hears. not only hears but
listens and answers. some people say that prayers
sometimes go unanswered because the answer wasn't
"yes." i don't believe that. i just think that
sometimes the answer is "wait."...or "no, child."
we are all trusting in the Lord to continue to do
what is best. His answers in His time.

each time we thank you for the time you take to
pray for sarah beth, please know that we mean it
with our whole hearts. and that the gratitude
comes from each of us, including sarah beth.

========================================
From sarah on loveyourguts, may 20 2009

I'm learning that even though I have NO clue what
is the next step for me, I will forever be
grateful for the MANY blessings and just beautiful
people He has surrounded me with. So, many thanks
for all of you out there that support me in the
name of Jesus. I believe that God has performed
many miracles in my life and until He chooses my
last breath, I will do my best to serve Him
wholeheartedly.
=========================================

thank you for loving sarah b.
leigh ann

sarah beth slept all night last night and most of
the morning and afternoon today. she had some
emotional moments today but was able to settle
down and rest again. this afternoon, she had some
awake time. several of us were with her and there
was some reminiscing going on. her reactions and a
few comments she threw into the conversations
showed us that she remembers a lot of things.
memories that made her smile, and that, more than
a time or two, made her laugh. not a belly laugh
of course..that takes energy she doesn't have -
but a quiet laugh. and a laugh is a laugh, right?
jeremy even got a wink from his sweet sister. it
doesn't stop amazing me that we are being given
moment after moment to cherish. even while sarah
sleeps, the family and friends around her are
bound more closely. joy in sorrow. laughter in
grief. comfort from God - no one else could do
this.

every now and then i go back and read from sarah
beth's entries from previous years. yesterday i
landed on an entry she made in april 2008,
surrounding a tragedy that took place in a family
we love. she said:

==================
"When unspeakable tragedy happens and we are
literally putting one foot in front of the other
to make it through the day, believe in the One who
can and remember this verse:
"Come to me , all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you
and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart and you will find rest for your souls.
~Matthew 11:28-29
===================

one foot in front of the other. walking through
what life brings. but never ever having to walk
through it alone. Jesus never leaves us. and we
are here for each other. thank you that you walk
through with us and for the blessing of your
faithfulness in prayer.

please continue to pray for sarah beth's comfort.
and for rest for mark and kathleen.

leigh ann