I woke up this morning at 2:30 a.m. and could not sleep, so I just starting praying. They were prayers of thanksgiving. The peace the Lord has given me has been one of those “beyond words” experiences. The love that is surrounding me by my family, friends and church family is by far one of the most humbling and gracious gifts that the Lord has given me. I certainly do not deserve such love, but am thankful none the less that I am surrounded by it.

We went to Lexington today and had another scan. The doctor is confident that this place they are seeing in my brain is radiation necrosis (dead tissue). It is good news because we will not have to do surgery at this point, which is a huge blessing! The plan is for me to stay on Decadron (my steroids) for 2 months at the highest dose and we will repeat the scan. The hope is that the swelling in my brain will decrease and that the necrosis will also see a decline. So, that is what we will pray for! Until then, I’m going to try to take it easy, rest and take my medicine.

This weekend my parents and I are going to take a spontaneous trip to the Amish country. If you know me at all, you know I am particularly fond of the Amish. The weather is supposed to be beautiful and I’m so excited to see the scenery and just relax in the slow pace of it all.

Thanks again for all the love and prayers. May you find God’s blessings as you seek His face.

:)
sarah

In my last entry I expressed to you all that for the first time I was scared. This past week I called my aunt and one of my friends asking them to send out an e-mail for prayer. I usually don’t do that, so it was a humbling experience…I had to lay my pride down and put it out there that I wanted and needed prayer support. I have received e-mails, cards and direct words from people of support and encouragement. I have literally at times felt so overwhelmed with peace that it has to be nothing but God working in and through you to touch me and for that I am very grateful.

Tuesday, I went to see the neurosurgeon here in Huntington. Yesterday I went to see the neurosurgeon who preformed the Gamma Knife procedure that I had in January. Basically the two said the same things. One: We have to get the swelling in my brain down. I have a lot. They have increased my dosage of decadron (the steroid that helps bring the swelling down) to the highest you can take. Two: We are not able to re-gamma this place in my brain because there is for sure necrosis (dead brain cells) in the center of the lesion and it will only make it worse if you re-radiate the place. Three: We will only do surgery as the last option (because of where the tumor is located, it could be a complicated surgery). Today, I’m going back to Lexington to get a scan that should be able to see if this place is all necrosis (which can cause swelling), or if there is also active tumor. From my films I had done last week, they were able to see necrosis in the middle, but can’t tell what is on the outside. The test I’m getting today is not 100%, but it should be able to tell them a little more information. If it is all necrosis, I will just have to stay on this high dose of decadron and we will monitor the place to make sure that my body is dissolving the dead cells and that the swelling continues to go down. If the scan shows signs of active tumor, we will for sure have to go in and take the tumor out. Just so you all know, the tumor never fully went away after the procedure I had in January. It did shrink some (which is it supposed to do because your body is absorbing the dead cells). There is a 5-7% chance that radiation necrosis can occur after the Gamma Knife procedure. I’m not going to go into all the details of explaining what radiation necrosis is, so if you are interested, you can “google it”…ha…that sounds funny! :)

I won’t know anything further until the beginning of next week. I won’t get the scan done in time today for the radiologist to read it and for the doctor to give me a call.

Two verses I’ll leave you with today:

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

–Philippians 4: 4-9

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.” –Lamentations 3:21-25

Peace and Blessing to you today-
Sarah

I have posed this question countless times to students I have taught over the past several years when they are confronted with a tough situation: Do you believe our God is Sovereign? I ask the question to make them think. If they truly believe in God’s Sovereignty, then they must trust in the Lord in the midst of whatever circumstance they are going through at the time. As I sit here now, I’m asking myself the same thing…do you believe the Lord is Sovereign? The answer is: of course! Although I have the hardest time understanding why things are playing out the way they are, I am and will continue to trust that this is the path God has chosen for me. I’ve spoken of the “bubble” that God puts me in when I get some not so good news in the past. I’ve been in the bubble for the past couple of days since the doctor called, but it burst today. Since this cancer journey started in 2005, I can honestly say this is the first time I have been scared. I want to make one thing clear: I know that I will not be on this earth not one day more or one day less than the Lord will have me here….my days are numbered just like the hairs on my head. I do have peace because I know my salvation is secure and if anything were to happen to me, I know where I’m going. However, while I await my ultimate dwelling place, I do enjoy the life God has given me here. I still have dreams, passions and goals and will continue to live life in the present. Back to the scary part: Up to this point, if something came up on the “radar”, we immediately had a plan. So, here I am with the knowledge that this thing in my brain is larger than it was in January with more swelling than before. I go to a brain surgeon tomorrow to see what his thoughts and recommendations are. I’m scheduled for an appointment at UK next week to meet with the doctor that did my Gamma Knife procedure back in January, but am hoping to get that moved up to this week. I’m just scared because I’m human and don’t like the waiting around part of the process. Please pray for my family and I as we have some decisions to make regarding treatment options, etc. If you know me at all, you know I can be quite stubborn at times, which has both its negative and positive outcomes, but I know for sure that I will fight this thing with everything I’ve got and with the strength that the Lord will provide. And just in case you’re wondering, I did do the triathlon in Atlanta and accomplished my goal to do it under 30 minutes (the swim part). It was fun. There is a picture on my myspace slideshow of me getting ready. Thanks for reading and taking time to pray….It means a lot.

Love your guts :)
Sarah

I read this devotion today and it directly spoke to me. I feel like I am constantly in this place. Reading this was both a comfort and a challenge. I am posting it on here for you to read...maybe it will speak to you as well. Have a great day! :)


WAIT FOR THE LORD.Psalm 27:14


It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures that a Christian soldier cannot learn without years of teaching. Marching and quick-marching are much easier for God's warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desiring to serve the Lord, does not know what role to play. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Retreat back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the matter before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of help. In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is best to be humble as a child and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord. It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly and are genuinely willing to be guided by the will of God. But wait in faith. Express your unstaggering confidence in Him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting is just an insult to the Lord. Believe that if He keeps you waiting even until midnight, He will still come at the right time; the vision will come and not delay. Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because things are difficult, but blessing your God for the privilege of affliction. Never grumble against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses; never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the circumstance as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any selfish agenda, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, "Now, Lord, not my will, but Yours be done. I do not know what to do. I am at an end of myself, but I will wait until You part the floods or drive back my enemies. I will wait, even if You test me for a while, for my heart is fixed upon You alone, O God, and my spirit waits for You in the deep conviction that You will still be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower."

Please note: Devotional material is taken from “Morning and Evening,” written by C.H. Spurgeon, revised and updated by Alistair Begg. Copyright (c) 2003, Good News Publishers and used by Truth for Life with written permission. Scripture quotations are taken from Holy Bible: English Standard Version, copyright (c) 2001, Good News Publishers.

It's amazing how time can pass so quickly! This summer has been really amazing. Trips to D.C., the beach and the lake. I actually swam a half a mile last week at the lake. Our family has been blessed some great friends who we spend a lot of time with. We are going to Atlanta Labor Day weekend and plan to participate in the triathlon there. I am going to do the swim in a relay with my brothers, Lord willing. God's grace is truly amazing.....

Hope you all had a blessed weekend!

:)
sarah