Yesterday, after I had finished bible study and journaling on here, I get a phone call not even 5 minutes after I sign off here. It was the doctor calling me to tell me they had gotten the results and had scheduled an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Tuesday for my brain. The place is still there, which explains my symptoms, but I was so excited because God knows how much I love plans (when it comes to the medical world). It's just that I needed a little discipline and to be shaken up a bit, which I'm glad He did. How cool is that?!

We got good news for the rest of my body. Everything else is stable. What I'll end with today is just the icing on the cake. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 05', it had spread to 10 of my lymph nodes as well as one liver lesion. When I relapsed in March of 06', there was the orginal lesion which had grown and 3 new liver lesions had appeared. Since the second round of chemo treatments, the scans have shown that the liver lesions have remained stable in size, etc. Well, on the CT scan that came back yesterday, the 3 smaller ones that had appeared when I relapsed could not be seen and the orginal one had decreased a little in size. How cool is that?!

There is nothing like leaning and trusting in the Lord. How I hope you have that. If you don't and would like to know how, I have posted some sites on the right side of my page where you can get information on how to begin a relationship with Jesus. The first two links are ministries where you can go and receive resources to help you with your daily walk. I have two links on there for two churces that I have personally attended and know to be preaching biblical solid truths that can further your walk with the Lord. They are listed as Mclean Bible Church and My Home Church in WV. You can click on either one of those for service times, etc. McLean Bible Church now has a new Internet Campus that shows the entire service online at the same time of the service. It's available for view anywhere in the world. So, if you're reading this from China, you can get on and watch! How cool is that?! I give you all that information because I would love for you to have it if you are searching for somewhere to get started.

There IS a God and He is good!!

love your guts! :)
sarah

I'm about to release a lot of my heart here in this next entry and bare my soul, so here we go. A couple of days ago I had a CT of my body. The night before I was so restless and my mind was just going down all these different paths. These past two months and in particular the month of October have been very strange for me because I haven't physically felt like this since I was diagnosed in 2005 and quite frankly, it is not a good feeling, especially when you pray and want to feel better the next day. The morning of my scan I had a mini-seizure and was not feeling well, so I called my doctor and asked to see him after the scan. I allowed fear and impatience to take over and was so anxious to get a copy of the report so I would know what was going on so we can start to tackle what is going on. We left the office not knowing what was going on, which is completely normal (you usually don't find out immediately right away!) He sent me home just to rest and await the results.

Later that night, I was just rocked (disciplined) by God. He wasn't too happy with me and I don't blame Him one bit. My actions and my heart was not anywhere in line with what I know to be true. I repented and asked forgiveness and also asked to be remolded in this area of my life. I asked God to do whatever He needed to do (a bulldozer, crane, jack-hammer, whatever) to rebuild this ugly part of me.

This morning, I pulled out my Beth Moore study and realized that I couldn't do today's because I haven't watched the video that would help it all make sense. So, I put down the Daniel study and just opened my Bible, having no idea what I was going to read. I landed in Ecclesiastes and little did I know that God had a lesson planned just for me. How good He is! Here are the verses He gave me:

Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future.

-Ecc. 7:13-14

Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and porcedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him. Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come? No man has the power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death.

-Ecc. 8:5-8

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

-Proverbs 9:10


My lesson and what He is teaching me is I do not know the future, nor will I ever know the future. He is in control and everything is in His timing. Things are hard and differnt now, yes, but my faith and hope must remain the same in the good times and in the bad. I made the decision (with my instructions from the Lord) to wait until Monday when I'm supposed to receive my test results and then we will go from there. If there is anything that I should know before hand, I will trust that the doctors will call and let me know. Until then, I will wait patiently, just like a man after God's heart should do.

This past week has been good. Yesterday was the first day I left the house since I came back from DC and it was good to get out again!! We went to the bank and to the hospital. My uncle Dale found out yesterday that he is going to have to have triple by-pass surgery tomorrow, so if you could lift him up in prayer that would just be awesome! :) Last week I spent a lot of time doing things I normally don't do, which was nice and different.

The best part of the week was Sunday when Pastor Pavel and his wife Zoya came to visit Sunday afternoon. My home church here partners with a church in Russia. Pastor Pavel is the pastor in Russia. I first met Pastor Pavel the summer of 2003 when I went on a missions trip to Russia. Our group did several things when we were in Russia, but we were able to visit the church that Pavel preaches at (Hope Church) and meet his family. He and his wife are such incredible people who are absolutely in love with the Lord. It was such an honor to have them come over and visit. Greg, Leigh Ann and the boys came over, too (including their nephew Drew). Greg (my uncle) and Pavel have become very good friends over the years and even though neither of them speak Russian or English very well, it's amazing how much communication can happen! We talked and looked at pictures and watched the power-point presentations that were given at church explaining how God is working in Russia, specifically with Hope Church and the other planted churches. We also watched a couple of videos of Drew singing during the weekend....he is so gifted and I know God is going to use him in a big way with his music. Mom made her famous cookies and cheese ball and Pastor Pavel and Zoya brought us a box of Russian chocolates! I think they liked it...American food can be different. Before they left, we all stood in a circle and Pastor Pavel prayed in Russian. I just cried the entire time. I couldn't understand not one word, but I could feel the Holy Spirit moving in the room and it was powerful! It is so amazing how God moves. I'll post some pics of our visit so you all can see.

Hope you all are having a blessed week so far and I'll be sure to write again soon...

love your guts! :)
sarah

While I'm very grateful that I was able to make the trip to DC to be with Julie and Hutch for Gracie's birth, I'm also glad to be home. I'm ready to do nothing but rest for a while. This is definitely going to be a new adventure for me because i'm going to try to make some new changes. I'm going to try to learn what it means to really rest and it might be more than a few days of laying low...just until I get over this little hump! I've added some sites on the right hand side of the page that I really enjoy reading, so check them out! Hope you've had a great Monday!

loveyourguts :)
sarah

Where to even start? I have so much going through my mind and somehow am going to try to convey what is on my heart. I should go back to way back when i was a kid and life was just so simple. No worries, just living the life. So many memories. I have been truly blessed with so many things in my life that i have absolutely not one thing to complain about. There is so much truth in the word of God and I pray with all of my heart that if you don't know Jesus that you will at least open your heart to listen to His sweet voice. I can promise you that He will NEVER let you down. Things won't always be picture perfect, as my journey has shown you, but a heart that is full of joy and peace that can only be filled with the Lord Jesus is something that can never be fulfilled any other way. As my journey has shown you, there have been many times that I have struggled to feel God's presence and His love and yes, it has been very hard at times. However, the power of prayer and the living, active word of God will overcome those feelings every single time. I am a true testimony to that. Take these last few weeks for example. They have literally been a blur...I don't remember much. I have noticed a decline in my health. I am weak and move slower. I have had many questions with not a lot of answers.

My best friend and sister, Julie was pregnant and I so badly wanted to meet Gracie and to be here when she was born. She was due November 1st, but wanted to have the baby October 15th. As soon as she told me, I started praying that Gracie would come October 15th and wouldn't you know, she did? Now, tell me that's not a God thing?! It was a whirlwind...she called me Monday morning to tell me that her water had broke, so I got in the shower and Dad helped me pack. I got my pink walker and off with Jerri and Bill to D.C. I go. The other crazy thing is that my cousin Cassie goes into labor the same day and has her little girl. What another God story! My cousin Cassie and Emmy were born the day after me. So of course, we've been attached since birth. I met Julie when we moved over to the Beverly Hills area (her house was right behind mine between the dirt hill). Then the inner-circle began. Julie, me, Cassie and Emmy were inseparable. When we got the call that they were moving to Cincinnati after the 5th grade, we were all devastated. But, true friendships and family never end. To this day all three of our families are as close as can be and have shared some great, great memories and will continue to do so. Now maybe you can understand how crazy/special it was that Gracie and Alaire were born on the same day!

The word cancer can seem so scary sometimes, but to me it has become one of the greatest blessings of my life. I hope that all of you can experience the power of the the greatest love that has ever been and will ever be in existence today and forever: God's love.

Julie, Hutch and Gracie are finally on their way home from the hospital, so I must sign off so I can get ready for their arrival. Oh the joy of a baby!

Love your guts! :)
sarah