It's almost been 2 weeks that Tonisha and Tamia have been here visiting. It's been really good. I'm so excited that Tonisha and Tamia have been able to spend this time together. I tell you what though...having kids is HARD WORK! It takes so much energy. I love children and being around them...there's nothing like the spirit of a child, but I know one thing (at least at this point in my life) I do not have the energy to have kids. I'm not married, so that's not even an issue. Maybe by the time I get married (if it's God's will for my life) they'll have an energy pill or something....haha.

My brother Jeremy is going with me this weekend to take the girls back to DC. Actually, he'll be doing all the driving, which I am thankful for. He might be buying a house and I might live with him for a while, which would be awesome because it is just a block away from Julie and Hutch's.

We went to the amish country this past weekend (me, mom, dad, jeremy, tonisha and tamia). it was fun. i love the amish country....it is so peaceful. I think the girls had a good time, too.

Oh, and the Olympics started last Friday...can't get any better than that, plus football season is just around the corner. My favorite season is the fall and we're almost there!

A little update on my health. I've had a couple of scans lately. One on my back (I've been having pain in my lower back) and a brain MRI (a follow up). The results for the back were good...no cancer there, but I do have a bulging disc that is probably caused from degeneration of my bones (from the steriods). The results for the brain were a mixed bag. One place has shrunk a little, the other stayed the same. The bad news is that there is a new lesion. Everything has moved very fast. I just found out yesterday and I went to the hospital yesterday afternoon to get fitted for my mask. I go tomorrow for a CT and MRI of my brain (they use these to map out the treatment). I'm going to do Cyber Knife at St. Mary's.

Some of you may be asking why does this keep happening to her. Well, I've got an answer. I'm doing a life journal with our youth group and I have really been blessed by it. It's cool because they give you a set of scriptures or a chapter to read for the day, but you choose the scripture that speaks to you and you journal about that particular scripture. The other day, John 9 was part of our reading. Let me write what it says for you. This chapter is about Jesus healing a blind man.

"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

You know, this hasn't been the easiest walk of life, but it's the only one I want...one that is completely sacrficed for the will of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you for all your prayers and kindness towards me and my family. May God bless you for your graciousness.

love your guts :)
sarah

Katye, one of the girls in our small group up here in DC is getting married Saturday. Julie, Gracie and I drove up Wednesday. Wednesday night we spent the evening with Heather and Jerry (who we are staying with), Traci and Ali. We had a really good time, sharing stories and lots of laughter. Yesterday, I stayed here and rested while Julie and Gracie went to lunch with some people that Julie used to work with. Last night we went to Katye's bridal shower, which was really fun. Right now, Julie and Gracie are taking naps. When they get up, we're meeting a friend for lunch and then heading down to Lincoln Heights (DayBreak). I am so excited I can hardly stand it! I can't wait to see the kids and parents! Hopefully later we'll meet up with Jared and Mike for dinner (some really good friends of ours). Tomorrow morning is the wedding and then we're going to pick up Tonisha and Tamia (my mentee and her little sister). They are coming back with me for 2 weeks to visit! I'm sooooooooooooo excited about that.

That's all for now...Hope you all have a great weekend!

:)
sarah

Here it is a year later and honestly, I wasn’t for sure I would be here. Let’s go back a year. July was a great month. We did lots of things like boating, triathlons and the beach. August was also a month of more boating, camping and another triathlon in Georgia. I actually participated in that one, which was really fun. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. So, on the way home from Atlanta (where the triathlon was), I had this pain in my left foot that went up my leg, arm and finally to the head. It was weird, but I just thought I had overdone it swimming.

Some of you might be first readers, but the majority of you have been on my page and know my story. The tumor that was in my brain had been treated by Gamma Knife and was shrinking in size. However, in September I went jogging down my road. I was back in the house in my room on the computer and I felt like there were all these people in my room. When it didn’t go away, I got up from my chair and walked down the hall to my parent’s room. I had caught mom’s eye and immediately she could tell something was wrong. I collapsed on the floor in the hallway and started having a seizure. My seizures are called partial complex seizures. I am conscience the whole time, but I can feel everything that is going on. The pounding starts in my left foot and travels up the left side of my body. You can actually physically see my skin pounding. It is weird and scary. Every time I have had one of the episodes I also start crying. It is also weird…it’s almost like it’s part of the seizure. Anyway, at that point, I knew something was wrong.

Sure enough, the tumor had grown and there was swelling in my brain. They put me on a ridiculous amount of steroids to try to reduce the swelling. It worked a little, but the side effects were definitely not worth it. I felt and looked horrible. During this time, I was drawing close to the Lord. I had a very strong sense that this was not good (the tumor growing larger). Everyday I felt worse than the day before. I literally felt like I was in my last days here on earth. I finally built up the courage to confront my parents one night in October. We were eating dinner and I just opened up and said that if we didn’t have surgery, I was going to die. My parents just kind of looked at me at first, but then were very supportive. My mom always sleeps with me at night when I’m not doing well. That night, I woke up and was really scared. I was crying but softly because I didn’t want to wake mom up. I got out of bed and went and layed on the couch in the living room and just sobbed. I told God I wanted to live. I really cried out to Him. God is in control and He knows my time and I trust that, however, I still pleaded for Him to allow me to live. After that night, I was at peace. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew that whatever happened, it was God’s will for my life.


Back to the tumor…the reason we were so hesitant before was because all the doctors that we had seen had been hesitant. So, when the doctor is hesitant, of course you are, too. The concern was that I would suffer significant damage to the left side of my body because of where the tumor was located. I remember telling my parents that I work really hard at therapy to recover what was lost, but that the surgery was a must.
In October I was admitted to the hospital for multiple reasons, but the tumor had grown even more and it was evident we had to do something. I remember the surgeon coming in the hospital room and I told him that we had no choice…we had to do it. He went through everything that could and would possibly happen, but agreed to proceed because I was so determined to get that thing out! I don’t remember much up to the surgery. I do remember asking everyone that came the day of my surgery to sing “There’s Just Something About that Name”, and they did, but I don’t remember it at all. After the surgery, mom and dad said I didn’t open my eyes for 3 days. The surgery was a success…my left side was still working. I was just very weak where I had basically laid around for the couple of months prior to the surgery. Thanksgiving was just a couple of weeks away and we had family coming in to visit. Sadly, I don’t remember much of Thanksgiving either. I started to slip into a depression spell, especially towards Christmas. It was really frustrating. I wanted to do all the Christmas things that we do, but I didn’t feel well enough too. I felt hardly any emotions. My best friend convinced me to get some help and I did. Thankfully, my spirits were pretty good Christmas day.

I had a scan in January and the tumor was back and wrapping around. So, we went to New York to Sloan Kettering and was reaffirmed that it was time to do whole brain radiation. So, the treatments started and I slept a lot!! Actually, I still sleep a lot. Whole brain radiation can really do some weird things to your brain.

The past year has probably been the hardest one yet (the physical aspect). I do notice that when I’m tired, my vocabulary isn’t very good; I forget what words mean and have a hard time describing things, I forget a lot of things or I won’t remember doing something. That is frustrating as well. Thankfully I love to read, so that will keep my brain working.

I honestly don’t know how I wouldn’t survived without the support of family, church family and friends. The prayers and acts of kindness towards me have helped me to walk through this journey. I only wish that I could thank all of you in person.

I was blessed a couple of weeks ago to go to Cowen (the church camp that I went to growing up). I wasn’t a counselor. The director was willing to let me come and do activities at my own pace. Before camp, I was really feeling “distant”, like I didn’t want to get involved in anything because I just never know what’s going to happen next. However, these kids were such a huge blessing to me! There was one kid who wore me out just watching him worship the Lord when we were singing, but I loved watching him! I kept thinking, “if I only had an ounce of his energy!” Listening to Steve and Rich teach the Word was also so encouraging. Diana and Tammy were so helpful, just like a mom! I felt like I was renewed, that I need to keep living and don’t worry about what is going to happen next.

God is good, no matter the circumstances. He loves you and me soooooo much! I hope this was some sort of encouragement to you today.

Love your guts..
Sarah

For some reason I haven't been on here lately. I've just kind of been in a slump where I don't find much to say...and so I just don't write. Really there are a lot of things to write about and I'm hoping that I've turned a corner and will write a lot more on here.

Mom and I went to Cincinatti last weekend to visit the Ellis's. It was a lot of fun. Saturday we went antique shopping and got attacked by the sequidas or however you spell them. We ended up in a store that had all this furniture and cool furnishings for a cabin. That was my favorite store we went to. Then, we went to eat at Steak and Lube because Michael says "they have onion rings and Sarah Beth loves them"...which cracked me up because I'm not sure where he got that from. I hardly ever eat onion rings! But, the lunch was good and off we went back to the house for NAP time!! Next, we headed off to church and then home for tacos. Sunday we came back to WV for father's day. We went straight to Greg and Leigh Ann's to visit with papaw and the rest of the family. Then, the family (minus Jason....he was in Indiana for army stuff) went to Chili's where we ate dinner. We thought about doing something after dinner, but since it was Father's Day, we succumbed to dad's wishes. He wanted to come home and work in the yard. He LOVES being outside. Whenever we can't find dad (which is quite often), mom and I just laugh and say "he's probably outside playing" and I'd say about 99% of the time, we're right.

This past week was pretty low key. Tuesday I had a scan and then Julie and Gracie came over. Wednesday I went to my GP doctor because I wanted to have a full check-up. I got some good news while I was there. My brain scan was the week prior and he looked up the scan for me. One place had completely resolved, one place had gotten a little smaller and the other place had stayed the same size. There was also some swelling. My CT scan of the rest of my body showed the lesions in my liver as being stable (they haven't shrunk or gotten larger). So, they are just going to keep me on Xeloda (my chemo pill). They also gave me a heart monitor that I have to wear for 30 days because my heart has been acting weird. After the doctor's visit I went with dad to run all of his work errands and then we had lunch. I came home and crashed before Bible study. Thursday my papaw came out to the house to work, but I wasn't much company. I slept pretty much the whole time he was here. I was packing my clothes when I heard my brother Jason in the living room. He surprised us by coming in for the weekend.

Thursday evening my mom, dad and me headed out to Cave Run to go camping for the weekend. Jason came out later that evening. Yesterday we went out on the boat and had pretty decent weather. But, when the sun wasn't out it was cold! Today we woke up and it was cloudy, so we just packed up and headed home. Mom and I were unloading the truck and dad was cleaning up the boat inside and the fire extinguisher dropped and sprayed the stuff in his eyes. We called poison control and they told him to run warm water over his face for 15 minutes in the shower. He did and he says that he is ok now. His eye is really red, but he says that he can see, so that's good. I think we are going down to RiverFront Park with Julie and the crew this evening.

The whole time I've been writing this, my mom has been playing piano in the living room. I love to hear her play. It's so calming and reminds me of my grandmother who was always playing, too. I love my parents. I know it has to be hard to do all the things they do. I'm sure they never envisioned their 29 year old daughter still living at home and needing help. But, I know they wouldn't have it any other way and I love them for that. Well, I better go get ready for the evening. Hope you all have a GREAT weekend!

:)
sarah

Most of you reading this know there is a song out there by John Denver about good ole' West Virginia. Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountains.....

Last night mom and I went on a drive. We were going to go to Lowes, but I didn't want to walk around, so mom decided we would just go on a joy ride. Aunt Jan, you would have loved this. We literally rode around for an hour on all these back roads that led us to Salt Rock, to Ona and eventually back to Barboursville. We didn't know where we were going, but you know what the saying is "all roads lead to somewhere". It was a really pretty evening, which made the scenery even better.

Me, mom, Julie, Jerri and a couple of mom's friends from work started a Bible study yesterday about standing firm in the last days. It'll be a good study. It's studying the books of Thess. 1 and 2. I'm also reading "Epicenter" by Joel Rosenberg. I would recommend it to anyone. It's a non-ficton book about "why the current rumblings in the Middle East will change your future."

That's all for now...hope you all have a great day!

:)
sarah